Grief.

It is a silence that fills your bones. A sadness that weighs down every single cell. Sometimes it is very very still and other times it is a lion enraged.  You walk along a deserted trail and step on a land mine when you least expect it. Grief is irrational, non-linear and very sly. You are fine, you are fine, you are fine, you are on the floor in fetal position. 

Release

Never ever never forget the healing power of art. 

Reflexive.

Sometimes the lessons we are trying to teach others are really the lessons we need to learn the most. 

Enough.

Sometimes I think all we can do in this mad, crazy, heartbreaking world is to crack open our hearts and let the yolk ooze out all over each other. Loving up on enemies, lovers, sufferers, the broken.  In other words, all of us at some point. Loving up and being gentle and soft and patient with each other. 

Loving up. Not in the way that comes easy but in the way that challenges us. That to me, is the point of this whole mad, crazy world. 

Lumps & bumps

The heart of the matter.

Turbulence

I've just gotten off of one of the most bumpy & terrifying flights in recent memory.  One of those experiences when you look around to find a calm face but everyone around you is white knuckling the side of the armrest grimacing.  Once we landed I got to thinking about it- what is really so terrifying about some pot holes in the air? When you consider that no plane has ever crashed from turbulence it made me wonder what the fear is really about. Most of us are much less afraid of driving because there's no free fall on the road and we feel that in a car, even as a passenger, we've got some level of control.

There it is. Control. One of the most intoxicatingly powerful illusions in the human struggle.  The issue with turbulence is really about the loss of control.  The reckoning that we don't have any in those moments makes us completely vulnerable. And what is more terrifying than vulnerability?

Body alignment.

Bumpy.

I have been pretty non-stop since I've gotten pregnant & much more relaxed about the entire endeavor (I've also had a pretty high stress load the last few months) and it hit me recently that I haven't really processed this experience.

Growing a human is nothing short of magic and at times I forget that. When I stop and consider that this growing bump inside me has a beating heart, ventricles that are able to pump blood, organs that work in rhythm and a perfectly aligned vertebrae it does feel like a miracle of nature.  Carrying a baby is like having a secret fort with your future child. No one else can get in and you get to create this magical world & relationship that is just the two of you. I find myself talking, humming and making ridiculous songs and sounds for my fort-mate. Sometimes she jiggles and kicks. Sometimes she doesn't. But regardless I'm quite sure that she always feels my presence. These little exchanges are like intuitive conversations.  I've also been relishing in the superpower I feel as a pregnant woman.  I feel my strongest and sexiest with this bump and all the extra bumps that come with it. I love watching my body morph like some Marvel comic heroine.  As fast as my life goes some days I want to harness these feelings and moments and taste each one before its over. I cannot wait to meet this little girl but I also can wait and savor these delicious times.

Monday beauty inspiration