The skin I'm in

One of the greatest things that starts to happen after you have a baby is how you start to own your stuff. Partially because your new life is about efficiency and partially because you are thrown into survival mode, you stop indulging in petty insecurities and wanderings of the ego. You realize you have become a warrior by the sheer fact that you just grew, carried and birthed a small human and are now the main source of said human's daily livelihood. It is so refreshing to stand in this new space and realize that you don't serve anyone better (least of all yourself or your new impressionable child) by chiding yourself for those last 5 lbs that won't come off or feeling like you started your career a little too late or wishing you could become a zen master during rush hour commutes. 

It feels pretty damn good to get comfortable in your own skin. 

Reunited

Back with my baby and nothing in the world could make me happier. 

Note to self

Dress up

Now that I'm a mom and my body has curves in new ways I've been craving a bit of a style makeover. A balance between Sophia Loren (aim high, right?) ala Houseboat with a twist of Katherine Hepburn in Adam's Rib. Here's my a bit of modern mood board for the new look:

Note to self

Gratitude Wednesday

I feel like whenever I post about gratitude I begin by explaining why it's been so long between posts. Today I make no excuses. I write as often as I can, when I can within the hectic chaos of my life. So here goes: 

1. I'm grateful that I have a healthy baby girl who sleeps through the night and smiles all day. 

2. I'm grateful that my super star of a mom comes down once a week to save my life and bond with my baby. 

3. I'm grateful to have a freelance career that despite being hectic & hard to plan around allows me days with my daughter, days to get out of the house and days that strike a beautiful balance in-between both. 

4. I'm grateful for my agent. My career is kicking ass right now and I owe so much of it to her. (And to my tireless partner who picks up all the pieces I leave in my wake). 

5. I'm grateful for warm days that aren't too warm. It's been the most glorious summer (yes a bit rainy) but overall just perfect weather for walking around town, running down the west side highway and frolicking in the park. 

Powerful

The two most powerful words I've ever said:

             My daughter. 

Wanderlust

I just finished watching the series Top of the Lake on Netflix (incredible & disturbing) which takes place on the south island of New Zealand and it has me longing for grandiose silent places like these...wish I could grab my family and run to the mountains for a week. Or a month.

The Softer Side

Having a baby feels like someone is suddenly holding up a mirror and asking you to take a good look at yourself. All the things I was ever conscious of not liking about myself are at once drawn into sharp focus and put under a magnifying glass. I realize I don't want my daughter to inherent these bad habits (she'll certainly inherit plenty of other characteristics I'm less aware of) but for the moment I'm owning the things I have a power to change. 

One of the biggest things I've become aware of is being softer and more patient toward infuriating circumstances and people.

I've been working hard to catch my inner dialogue and counter my negative habits by thinking about the scenario or the person with a different perspective. Compassion has not always been my strong suit, I'll be the first to admit it and having a daughter is real inspiration to clean it up and change. It's not hard to look at her perfectly innocent face and think of how much she will pick up by my example.  If I expect her to be compassionate, kind and patient then its time I behave accordingly.

Learning to be a kinder, gentler person is a pretty sweet lesson and really why wouldn't I want to show her my softer side? I have a hunch this is the first of many, many lessons this little sage is going to teach me. 

Reminder.

Leave room for a little mystery.

Rose colored glasses.

There's something about just having a baby girl that has made me fall in love with colors my pre-baby self would never had considered. Suddenly I feel drawn to pastels in a way that my former self would cringe upon seeing. Now I lust for soft lavenders, pale peach and subtle pinks. It's a beautiful new world. 

Bun-buns

Part of what I'm loving about having a baby is playing around with all the cute gifts we get. It reminds me that I never want to grow up. 

Objects of desire

I've been wanting to take a pottery class lately and my new Pinterest obsession is fueling my creative dreams that producing something as stunning as these would ever be within my reach..

Limitless

How much love can the heart hold? How much love can your heart handle?

There is no end. I have learned that now. There is no limit to how deep and wide your heart can give. In a few weeks I have learned that it doesn't run out, it just keeps growing. 

Thank you, Vivienne Grey. My guru, my daughter, love of my life. 

The day the whole world stopped.

Every cliche you've ever heard about having a baby is true. You never ever think you can suddenly love someone so much, that your heart can open that wide and that in an instant the entire world can come to a screeching halt. But it's true. And wow is it wonderful. And humbling. And exhausting. And messy. And beautiful.

Vivienne Grey Lake. 5.24.14

More soon.

White out

I've been itching to paint my hardwood floors white lately. Mostly inspired by being in Scandinavia recently but seeing these gorgeous apartments is only confirming my suspicion it will make my space feel cleaner & super chic.