There is so much that can be said. That has been said. I am shattered. Crushed. Parts of myself that have always kept an optimistic flame alive have dimmed. I never, ever in a million years imagined it was possible. Today feels like a funeral. I have spent most of the day in tears unable to move forward. I will continue to mourn and then I will mobilize with my fellow warriors. The basest parts of me want to point fingers and name call the ‘others’ as bigots, racists, misogynists and on and on. But then I am becoming what I condemn. And then I am spreading anger and hate and rage.
So I will sit shiva for as long as I need and then I will turn this into a search for a deeper meaning. There is a spiritual lesson in all of this. Many probably. What I can see for now is that this country, this world, needs some softness and tender loving care. We need some hugs. Acceptance and openness. I need to work harder to understand the other side. To hear what I don’t agree with and talk about it. I need to soften. Slow down and really find what it means to be compassionate. I hear it so often mentioned but I see it so rarely exercised. If I can learn to be more loving and offer that to my partner, my daughter, strangers who challenge me, leaders who vex me then I feel that something good can grow from this and that helps me find some purpose in all of this darkness.
